"BORN STILL"
By Julie Thompson - submitted to International Doula Magazine
I was on my way to my chiropractor’s office when I received a phone call from my back-up doula, Leslie. She said, “I have bad news“. Then she proceeded to tell me, “Ok I am rambling but Alicia went in for a checkup because she didn’t feel the baby move, and the doctor couldn’t find a heart beat.” I stopped the car and turned around because I knew Rob wouldn’t be at his Chiropractic office as he would be with his wife Alicia. I am Alicia’s massage therapist/birth doula, and Les is also her birth doula. We both planned on being at the birth of their third baby.
I called Alicia as soon as I returned home and sure enough she was scheduled to go into the hospital for an induction at 3:00 p.m. My mind whirled and I didn’t know what to do or say so I wrote to Penny Simkin. I had to head right out to the hospital, so Penny’s quick response wasn’t received until I got home. It helped me to write to her and get my concerns off my chest. I have been a doula for 12 years, on the certification committee for 11 years, and an approved doula trainer for 3 years, but I was at a loss on how to properly deal with this situation. I lost 2 babies of my own and I knew the well-meaning comments people could make that still linger and haunt me today. I did not want to say the wrong thing or make a comment that would be remembered negatively for a lifetime. Comments like, “You shouldn’t have been riding on that tractor while you were pregnant.” Or, “Don’t worry you will have another one, you are young.” Or, “I know someone who had 11 miscarriages, so one isn’t bad.” I was determined I was not going to say the wrong thing. So on the way to the hospital I prayed for wisdom, and strength for this difficult journey. I called my 16 year old daughter and told her I was on my way to a birth and I wanted her to pray for my family. I called my best friend, Shirley, and she immediately said she would pray for us. That was reassuring because Shirley’s prayer get answered. I called Les and she would be arriving at the hospital at 4:30 p.m. and that was a great relief to me as we could lean on each other.
At the hospital I greeted Alicia with a big hug, but no words. There were no words. Silently I just loved her through it. I let her talk about her concerns, her fears, her pain, her loss, and just plain ole’ listened. Sometimes as a doula that is the best we have to offer. I massaged her feet and worked her pressure points as her surges started. Alicia used her hypno-birthing techniques and remained amazingly calm throughout the whole labor. Les did a beautiful visualization. Rob was the perfect support to his wife. The nurses, two midwives, and doctor were there to answer questions and help in any way that was needed, but gave us all the space we needed. Alisha’s Mom and Dad, and Rob’s Mom and Dad were supporting and helping by just being there.
Tears flowed as Alicia eased her beautiful, perfectly formed baby girl into the world. Rob cut the cord, held his angel, and let the grieving begin. As soon as the placenta was delivered Rob handed Alicia her baby girl they named Adalyn Kathryn. I took some pictures in sepia and left the camera there for Rob and Alicia to use as they wanted. They took a touching picture of the baby’s hands along with their own. Later the nurses took some beautiful pictures of the baby dressed in a special outfit from grandma.
I always had a fear of how I would be able to handle such a situation as a doula, never expecting it to be someone I felt so close to. I guess you just doula with a lot more intensity. I find it amazing how God gives me the strength to do this work, and how I can miss a whole night’s sleep, and have the wits about me to offer wise options at just the right time. I find that when you are doing God’s work and serving others He gives you that strength, because that strength certainly doesn’t come from me.
I also found, once again, the strength of a woman is amazing. Alicia gave birth with such grace and dignity, and was even empowered through this journey. She is putting together a National Foundation, Addie’s Gift, in which she will go on to help others in similar situations by offering maternity wards and doctor's offices, starting with our own community, with her favorite books that helped her through this difficult time. With enough funding, these resources could be offered to hospitals around the US. She plans to also promote the work of DONA International, and all the wonderful doulas in that organization. Alicia created a website (www.Addiesgift.org) as a place for women to go to for support and information. She will offer her personal support to any woman who needs an ear to listen or a shoulder to cry on. In my birth doula trainings we discuss what kind of births the attendees have been through and I find it amazing how someone who has been through horrific situations can turn it around and make something positive out of it. This is what Alicia is doing and I will encourage her every step of the way.
"BORN STILL"
By Julie Thompson - submitted to International Doula Magazine
I was on my way to my chiropractor’s office when I received a phone call from my back-up doula, Leslie. She said, “I have bad news“. Then she proceeded to tell me, “Ok I am rambling but Alicia went in for a checkup because she didn’t feel the baby move, and the doctor couldn’t find a heart beat.” I stopped the car and turned around because I knew Rob wouldn’t be at his Chiropractic office as he would be with his wife Alicia. I am Alicia’s massage therapist/birth doula, and Les is also her birth doula. We both planned on being at the birth of their third baby.
I called Alicia as soon as I returned home and sure enough she was scheduled to go into the hospital for an induction at 3:00 p.m. My mind whirled and I didn’t know what to do or say so I wrote to Penny Simkin. I had to head right out to the hospital, so Penny’s quick response wasn’t received until I got home. It helped me to write to her and get my concerns off my chest. I have been a doula for 12 years, on the certification committee for 11 years, and an approved doula trainer for 3 years, but I was at a loss on how to properly deal with this situation. I lost 2 babies of my own and I knew the well-meaning comments people could make that still linger and haunt me today. I did not want to say the wrong thing or make a comment that would be remembered negatively for a lifetime. Comments like, “You shouldn’t have been riding on that tractor while you were pregnant.” Or, “Don’t worry you will have another one, you are young.” Or, “I know someone who had 11 miscarriages, so one isn’t bad.” I was determined I was not going to say the wrong thing. So on the way to the hospital I prayed for wisdom, and strength for this difficult journey. I called my 16 year old daughter and told her I was on my way to a birth and I wanted her to pray for my family. I called my best friend, Shirley, and she immediately said she would pray for us. That was reassuring because Shirley’s prayer get answered. I called Les and she would be arriving at the hospital at 4:30 p.m. and that was a great relief to me as we could lean on each other.
At the hospital I greeted Alicia with a big hug, but no words. There were no words. Silently I just loved her through it. I let her talk about her concerns, her fears, her pain, her loss, and just plain ole’ listened. Sometimes as a doula that is the best we have to offer. I massaged her feet and worked her pressure points as her surges started. Alicia used her hypno-birthing techniques and remained amazingly calm throughout the whole labor. Les did a beautiful visualization. Rob was the perfect support to his wife. The nurses, two midwives, and doctor were there to answer questions and help in any way that was needed, but gave us all the space we needed. Alisha’s Mom and Dad, and Rob’s Mom and Dad were supporting and helping by just being there.
Tears flowed as Alicia eased her beautiful, perfectly formed baby girl into the world. Rob cut the cord, held his angel, and let the grieving begin. As soon as the placenta was delivered Rob handed Alicia her baby girl they named Adalyn Kathryn. I took some pictures in sepia and left the camera there for Rob and Alicia to use as they wanted. They took a touching picture of the baby’s hands along with their own. Later the nurses took some beautiful pictures of the baby dressed in a special outfit from grandma.
I always had a fear of how I would be able to handle such a situation as a doula, never expecting it to be someone I felt so close to. I guess you just doula with a lot more intensity. I find it amazing how God gives me the strength to do this work, and how I can miss a whole night’s sleep, and have the wits about me to offer wise options at just the right time. I find that when you are doing God’s work and serving others He gives you that strength, because that strength certainly doesn’t come from me.
I also found, once again, the strength of a woman is amazing. Alicia gave birth with such grace and dignity, and was even empowered through this journey. She is putting together a National Foundation, Addie’s Gift, in which she will go on to help others in similar situations by offering maternity wards and doctor's offices, starting with our own community, with her favorite books that helped her through this difficult time. With enough funding, these resources could be offered to hospitals around the US. She plans to also promote the work of DONA International, and all the wonderful doulas in that organization. Alicia created a website (www.Addiesgift.org) as a place for women to go to for support and information. She will offer her personal support to any woman who needs an ear to listen or a shoulder to cry on. In my birth doula trainings we discuss what kind of births the attendees have been through and I find it amazing how someone who has been through horrific situations can turn it around and make something positive out of it. This is what Alicia is doing and I will encourage her every step of the way.